Signs That You Are A Non-Custodial Daddy
By Sean Kelly

September 30, 2003

- Your bedsit and work area are festooned with pictures of your children, but not their mother.

- You refer to her as anything but her name.

- You no longer get upset when your friends (if you have any left) switch off when you talk about your kids and your pain.

- You have bank accounts in other people's names.

- You know men who have been beaten by their wives.

- You have thought about putting Immac in her Head and shoulders.

- You have, or know someone who's, filed for bankruptcy.

- You have, or know somesone who has been in jail.

- You have an intimate understanding of stress, high blood pressure palpitations,depression and insomnia.

- You prefer to do all transactions in cash.

- You'd rather lease than buy , because: "... if you don't own it, they can't take it away from you."

- You turn the lights off in your house when police go down the street.

- You have more phone numbers of lawyers than girlfriends.

- You know lawyer jokes.

- You do favours for people you don't even like to avoid going home alone early.

- You have "Caller ID" and answering machines.

- You have telephone recording equipment.

- You earn a decent salary, but drive an old car, and can't afford a new one.

- Your car has bumper stickers like. "Daddies are for life not just for Saturday", or "Kids need Daddies-Support Joint Custody"

- You refer to "Child Support Payments" as "Retroactive Prostitution Payments".

- You have been assigned a Probation Officer, although you have committed no crime.

- You know who Warren Farrell is.

- You realise that there is no penalty for false allegation or perjury if you are a woman.

- You can't understand why you want to fall down tired at work all day, and you can't sleep at night.

- You know the shortest backroads to and from the courthouse, and you get heart burn whenever you get within half a mile of it.

- You use the words "feminazi", "septic circle", and "poison piss pedlers" often.

- Your favorite songs include "I shot the sheriff". "father and son", "Something inside so strong"

- You wonder why when women get together over 5 bottles of wine, they claim to be "consionceness elevating", but if you have a pint with your workmates you are "the cause of the problem"

- You get treated like a pariah at your kid's school.

- Smug feminists in the media make your blood boil with their "all men are violent" mantra.

- You realise it is cheaper to eat out than to cook for one.

- You realise that to get parity of esteem from the Courts that it is not enough to be an ordinary "meat and two veg" Dad - you must become SUPERDAD

- Court Clerks know you on a first name basis.

- You now know that there must be a better way to resolve family disputes, because the same faces that you first saw in the foyer of the court all those years ago are still there ....every time

- Your ex communicates with you through a third party, usually begining
with the phrase: "You are hereby Ordered ..... "


Sean Kelly