My wife is depressed but refuses to see a therapist. What can I do?

Dr. Joti Samra

Globe and Mail Update

My wife is fundamentally against the idea of counselling - she’s depressed, unsatisfied with life and has serious body image issues. But I think she needs to see an expert. How can I convince her it’s a good idea?

The answer

It can frustrating and saddening for any of us to see someone we love being unhappy and struggling with life. We can often feel helpless in not being able to improve our loved one’s emotional state, particularly if we feel we have exhausted the avenues we have available to us. Certainly there can be a number of positive benefits that many people can experience from seeing and receiving treatment from an objective, neutral and trained mental health professional.

That being said, the first point I would like to underscore is that it is not your role to “convince” your wife to seek out counselling. Your role as a partner is, first and foremost, to serve as a source of unconditional support. I do not mean at all to convey that she does not need or would not benefit from counselling, but the way that you approach this discussion is key.

All too often I see well-meaning partners who will “tell” or “try to convince” their partner to seek out counselling, but this message can be interpreted as critical (rather than supportive).

I would suggest that you start by have a genuine, heart-to-heart conversation with her. If possible, be mindful of timing this conversation on a day and time when both of you have dedicated and uninterrupted time to speak, free of other distractions.

Convey your love and concern for her. Focus on communicating how you feel, and be specific about what you have noticed (e.g., “I feel saddened when I see you looking upset and tearful...”). Avoid making assumptions about how she is feeling (e.g., “I think you are depressed and need help”) as this may come across as accusatory or judgmental.

Ask what you can do to help and support her. Focus on directing the conversation toward what she feels she needs, and what she thinks would be helpful.

You say she is “fundamentally against” the idea of counselling, and I would try to understand where this comes from. Has she had negative or unhelpful experiences with mental health professionals in the past?

Does she feel shame or stigma about having to seek out help? Is she unclear about what role a professional would play? Does she feel hopeless that treatment would not help? This may provide a better understanding of where she is coming from, and may help guide you towards ways that you can more effectively support her.

Finally, offer to go with her to an initial appointment, no-strings attached. Maybe she's afraid and unsure about the process. Let her know that you see this as a family issue, and that if she is feeling unwell emotionally that impacts you.

Emphasize that your goal is to help and support her, in whatever way possible.

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Commentary by the Ottawa Mens Centre


If you are in Canada and in particular, Ontario, you buddy are in the deepest of dangers.
Mental Health is a taboo subject, and, the mere suggestion by male spouse that a woman has a mental health problem is likely at the end of prolonged litigation to result in the male being jailed in Ontario's Debtor's prisons.

Ontario has a corrupt Family Court System, its rigged, feminist judges, with most of the judiciary intimidated or influenced by extreme feminist doctrine. The hatred virtually oozes out of the walls.

That extends though every facet of the government bureaucracy, social workers, child protection workers, assessors and in particular, "children's lawyers", that attracts the most incompetent unsuccessful group of feminist lawyers who rarely ever write anything that might deal with a woman's mental health problem.

Most family court cases that involve sane parents don't get litigated. They agree to have equal parenting solutions.

The problem in family court that one or both the parties is mentally ill and or has an extreme personality disorder which is an almost taboo subject, and most of the time, the vast majority of cases, around 90% involve a mentally ill woman who will claim that HE is responsible for her mental health problems.

Most of the time, women with extreme mental health problems simply get a lawyer who writes documents that wash away any suggestion that she has a problem. At the end of the day, she invariably gets the kids who are alienated totally from the father who is then hit by the Ontario Family Court with punitive financial costs that put him in poverty and with orders for support that frequently are based on income that does not exist.

These orders for "support" are often based on fictitious numbers invented by a judge to ensure that HE is destroyed and stays that way. Often the orders are to prevent ANY appeal or future variation.

It takes a dead beat judge to create a dead beat dad and real crime, starts with a judge hell bent on obstruction of justice by flagrantly abusing his or her powers.

The solution is a Legal Presumption of Equal Parenting and a real police for the judiciary who operate with impunity and immunity without any accountability whatsoever.

Ontario operates a Gestapo style of Family Court that is offensive to any notion of fundamental justice or equity.

Most women's depression problems can be resolved with medication and therapy, the problem is feminist workers convince such victims otherwise, that he is the cause and its an idea that once cemented leaves a trail of endless destruction and litigation that costs Canada mega billions of dollars each year.


More commentary

The tragedy of serious depressions problems is that its really a serious mental health problem, and once it occurs, the victim, does not believe that she or less commonly, he, needs help.

When women have serious mental health problems, many women do not get real help, their "help" comes in the form of extreme feminists with an agenda, an agenda that automatically blames HIM for HER problems, therefore, SHE is a VICTIM of HIS ABUSE.

The result is family destruction. Often those entrusted in society to help the mentally ill are nothing less than a Canadian Association of Man Haters who run women's shelters, promote a lesbian lifestyle and at the end, two mentally ill women who were previously heterosexual suddenly become lesbian and stay that way without any fathers, you know, who they believe are the devil reincarnated, and whose children have no right whatsoever for any contact with the children.

Canada is a sick corrupt society that promotes dysfunctional families at the expense of families that have a mother and a father.

Canadian Children have next to no legal rights to a father and its for that reason that any male thinking of immigrating to Canada should check out some less corrupt jurisdiction that has a lessor War on Men.